生日只想得到你的一个祝福。

生日将要来临。没什么大不了~谁没有生日呢？就像又过另一个星期六而已~
但真想在当天能得到Cal的一个简单祝福。 不需要什么大礼。。。只要是她说的一句普通的“生日快乐”。。，那我当天便会真正的快乐，开朗地笑出来。
能吗..?

对她..我有自己的视线，也相信自己的感应

有人说她心底邪恶，做事别有用心~

我想了一想，再答：“我觉得她对我还蛮有心~” =]



有人说她本性深藏不露，前面对你笑，后面一把刀~

我想了一想，再答： “这么久以来，在本人的视线
里当然见过她笑~ 但什么刀...So Far 没看过~ 更加没
被刀插过” =]



有人说她精通心计，常利用别人~

我想了一想，再答： “本人从她身上感应不到什么
心计~ 那我被利用了吗？不~~不~~~该怎么说呢？
Hmmm...我爱她，我自愿伸出双手帮助她~就那么简
单呀~这种事情天下有哪个有心肝的男人没试过
呢？？不付出的爱算是什么爱呀？？”



好友“昌”说我像是她的狗~

我睡醒后想了一想，再笑着回答他说：“狗不狗猫
不猫这些东西是个人的看法，不同的意见而已啦~
我满足就行啦~ 管什么狗狗猫猫~~ 她能高兴地笑起
来，我像狗一样咬你也行~~哈哈~”




*** 我所懂的爱是为对方付出但不盼望得到对方的心，就真的只想看见对方开心。如此的事情难以叫人相信~ 在读着的这位先生/小姐，那你又信不信？=] ***

回忆的不死鸟

入夜等白昼, 剩下伤痕开始结焦那胸膛。

这刻身边看到振翅那飞鸟, 高飞去发出光辉长夜在那方照耀... 可惜我还见不到转机，只得忐忑的心..，永远伤悲。

转头这一刻，挥手再见振翅那飞鸟。离别了...只得我在等天晓, 明白自己多渺小。
不奢想, 唯独我血脉如像不死鸟, 曾受著猛火烧焦。但我早经等了多久？翻开我伤口，世上亦照旧。想不走也找不到借口~

深谷找出口期间，我明白了我所想要的。就是用一对手将记亿扣住锁扣。存亡关头不追悔将这锁匙投下。因那些都是我要保存的回忆~ 我会珍惜地带着它们行走。到最远最暗那处我从无回头后悔。都已成为了我心中的不死鸟。

A story, A path.

Years ago, a boy went into a college of automotive~ yup, to study everything about cars, engine, automotive computer networking, and so~ During his first week there, his classmate asked him “Hey friend~ so you like cars?” “Nope” he replied. “Then why are you taking this course?” the classmate curiously asked. Boy thought for awhile and he then said “Hmmm, it’s part of my plan~ haha”

Right after his Diploma in automotive technology, the boy went to UK, a place called Hertfordshire to get himself a diploma in Motorsport Technology. His roommate asked him “Hey kid, so you’re interested in stuffs about car?” “Nope” again he replied. With a simple smile on his face, he said “I got my own plans”

After he came back from Hertfordshire, the boy went to work at a workshop for some experience. The boss asked him “Young man, you don’t have a mechanic look to me. You look more like someone that would rather sit inside the office with air-conditioner than working mad like this. But still you’re one. Guess it’s because you’re passionate in cars eh?” “Nope, I don’t like cars. It’s part of my plan. I know what am I doing” he answered.

The boy then went back to college to get himself a Diploma in Automotive Engineering. Yep, he finished the course. Just waiting for his internship as one final step for his last diploma. His mom asked him~ “Son, so do you like cars now?” “Huh? Haha~ not even close. But my plan is going smooth~” he replied that with a smile again.



***That’s Thomas~ And yup~ I’m a man with plans~ HAHA~

去满足我所渴求的~

我也差不多该去忙我的事了~

我是个渴求经验和力量的人~ 我想要懂得更多，我想要拥有更好的。


也许接下来我会变得很忙~没必要的事情，大概也不会去做吧~ 除非是爱人呼唤我吧~哈哈~


接下来这段时间里，也许再忙也想送Cal 的机呀~ 如果她会离开的话，真想送着她走，看着她离开呢~ 也许以后大家回来时，会落在不同的时间，或许不同的世界。但到时我会去寻找，向前或退后尝试去找能找到你的路线。再看看前方又会是如何~反正我还有时间~也许到时候时间还会多得反而还要去等呢？谁知道呢？或许还要去等待。。。
简单地说，到时才算啦~哈哈~


我会去学习我想知道的，提高自己的层次。想爬更高~ 我想比爸跟强~ 有成绩之后，我会回来~

Kindda Like A love experience so far. Chp (2/3)

Calviny -


Now here’s a story to tell~ this one is kindda long~ so i'll write it out parts by parts slowly according to my memories. Here's part 1~ haha~ let’s see.., it all started some time ago. A few years back, 4+- perhaps.


Part 1
The First Sight


***Damn, another hot day, another exhausting day to walk home~ it’s like the sun’s goanna fry me. Gotta rush home and get to work on time… Man~ life~

Hey, it’s that girl again~ walking home again eh? Always seeing her walking home alone. Is she a loner or what? Ah~ who cares~ But she sure is such a tough girl man~ why can’t she just get someone to fetch her home? Woooaae~~ hold on.., look at her.., hmmm.., she’s actually kindda cute isn’t she eh? Simple and nice~ Don’t you think so Tom? Perhaps I’ll go talk to her some day. How should I start the conversation? How about “Hi~”? Nope~ that's a stupid way to start. Errr.., Why not “Hey~ hello~ it's you again~ nice to meet you” Nononono~ that sounds like i'm some kind of psychotic Uncle trying to cheat a young girl~ Let's see... “Yeo~ hot day eh?” HAHAHA! Bet she'll think that i'm some kind of idiot~ Ahhhh~~ shut up~~~ pretty faces will only kill you some day~ Haha~ Just go home man~

Kindda Like A love experience so far. Chp(1/3)

I got three of them to tell~ But here's the 1st one~

Sook Yee-

**She said sorry Thomas I can’t love a guy with another girl in his eyes. There’s only her inside your mind. You’ve said “not now” then when is right? You always ask me why can’t I be abit like this, and a little more like that. Stop comparing me with that girl. You can’t even say the word “I love you” to me unless you lie. Sorry, I can’t satisfy you for who I am. What am I to you? see, you can't tell right?**

Her last word to me... "I don't wanna see you nor talk to you ever again" she turns and left my car..




>>I’m sorry I’m not a guy which is pure enough for you. You’re right, I’m superstitious sometimes. Or should I say all the time. But it's kindda like a way which I believe. Can't really change in that. And Yah, I got the answers for you now. Why didn’t I say I love you? Cause I “like” you. But not the word “Love” in our story. Perhaps love in the term of friendship~ ah, then that’s acceptable.
When is the right time eh? Think about it, we both like to joke a lot~ and talk a lot of crap~ who cares? as long as it’s funny~ We do enjoy talking with each other. Don’t you? Cause I know I do. Haha, that’s right, There’s always the right time for us to be together. But just not as a pair of couples. That does’t mean that I don’t care~ Hell ya you’re important to me. That’s why I share my stories with you. I know you hated me a lot right now… guess I’m able to understand why. But I do hope that you’ll turn back and simply just say Hi to me someday.

Then there's a way~

Yup~ guess there's roughly 26 days left. But I think that's enough time for me to finish a mission so called "Sorry dudes, I do love you guys~" =]

Nope~ I'm not a good guy~ As I'm always bad~ haha~
But if you dare to close ur eyes, hold my hands and just try to walk with me like you don't know what's inside me~ I bet it could be kindda smooth~ And I'll try to do my best too. I'm happy that Max did that. And he gets to learn my wild dog side.

***"A wild dog does protect it's pack"*** =]

To be kind to them eh? Bet they'll say that i'm up to something else~ Yah Fuck but I've said that i'll try~ to be a better friend~ not to say that i'm right~ but i guess that's more or less what Lord Jesus would like to see me do. I didnt say that i'm 100% right k~ I'm just guessing... ok then... make it 42%~ perhaps 46~haha =]

也许我会慢慢想~

她什么都没说就消失了。人当然还在呀，但就像想把我丢掉了。这些，我并不在意。那我还在意什么呢？对，我在意她没给我一句最后的答案。。。留下一段没有结局的故事，就那么走掉了。

没有你，我就不想做人？ 才不会啦~ 我依然还是我自己~ 但你的影子还会常出现我眼里。
失去了你，我活不下去？并没有吧~ 但在我的歌声中总会有你。

总会毫无原因地想起你~

总会想想自己何时走到来了这里。。。=]

So Unsure~

The Sky’s so dark it’s time for rain, took a deep breath trying to control the pain. Guess I’m not goanna tell you that I’ll be leaving soon.

Guess there’s only roughly 2 months left. I tried to make you understand but it’s hard to get a feedback. Not even some simple questions.

I told myself maybe you’re just too busy. But please don’t repeat like this until there’s no more time left anymore.

Ram my head against the wall, it’s not a dream guess I’m awake all the while. I knew it~ I’m not stupid~ just giving it a shot.

There’s nothing much to tell but if you wanna know, I don’t wanna let go…

Perhaps something good before I go.

蓝天白云

如充满密云的天空，你哪看得见裂痕？
一刻听见的心跳，你又哪听得到思念的吼叫？


就算天空再深，看不出裂痕，你是否会走入云层？
用那温暖双手，捧一捧那裂口，也许发现你就是这天空的白云。
什么狂风豪雨，什么大雷大电，天空再裂也不愿云被打散。
天空永远依然保护白云，
日后谁也会明白，这个天空永远填满密云。。。

愀你。。，就如我的白云。

不坏的尝试

我想尝试关心身边每一位。无论是之前我爱的，恨的，或平时不管的。我知道每个人都需要爱和关心。这东西很奇妙，它能让人感觉连呼口气都比较强，连看着墙壁都会笑。都是我曾经亲身体验到。我不保证能百分百做得到。但付出关心付出爱才拿我那一点的心思体力，想想我不多不少也应该办得到。是好是坏等我做了便知道。总之道理上，这肯定不会是坏事。


***要毫无条件之下先踏出第一步去爱他人，这点你又做到了吗？***



当我真的为某个人付出过，之后得到从他人口中说出一句真心的谢谢为回报。那感觉非常舒服呢~


想起大概一年前吧，“愀”曾经感觉上很狠地对我说不要对她如此好。为何不学习先对自己好一些？
我想现在我该会回答了吧~ “ 也许这就是我追求的满足感，对你好，又如对我自己好。加上你是我所喜欢的一位。其实我已在对自己好”。

计划失败

一夜间，我用了3个小时来想通了这4年一直都在思考的问题。短短3个小时就能被解答的问题，我却用了4年时间来想。


会被觉得好浪费，好愚蠢。但当用心想想，才根本不后悔。短短3小时里根本得不到这4年里的体验和经验。


这4年当中，我用过许多方法去体验“愀”她该会拥有的感受。好的有，坏的有。当中也包括亲身去尝试。
故意跑到国外念书一段时期来尝一尝她该会有的孤独感。
也试过了被朋友抛离的自卑。
不被信任的伤心。
看不清前路的心慌。
在人海迷路，感觉无人相助之类的害怕。
和心灵受伤的感觉等。


计划了好多，虽然到最后还是发觉我不能了解她，她的思想，和她的心等。。。


但以上这些人生经验，3小时内又怎么可能吸取得到呢？
再问一问，我又浪费了些什么呢？那又去后悔些什么呢？
也只好笑着说：“没办法呀~至少我有努力去试过了。。。”


那些还未被解答的问题，也许明天会有答案解答自己呢？谁知道？也许会呀。只要还有明天就好了。。。只要还有明天。。。


***以亲身去体验他人的喜怒哀乐才是最接近了解他人感受的方式。这点，难道我错了吗？***

愀的生日

明天将会是愀的生日呢~ 为了这天，脑海里早已计划了好多东西。生日礼物吗？早就买了~ 还刻上了愀的名字呀~ 是一份想让她开心的心意。 但可惜的，就是无法送她。


愀呀，你好久没出现了呢~ 约你，你总会说不行。想为你庆祝生日，也许没这机会~


这份礼物是特别为你而准备的。不想一句算了就把它当垃圾。
我会把它收好，等有能见到你的一天，再交到你手中。
会有那么的一天吗? 也许有，也许没有。谁知道呢？
但我总相信会有呀。我相信。。。


没什么能做的。也只好希望和等候了。



***我所懂的爱是为你付出但不盼望得到你的心，就真的只想看见你开心。如此的事情难以叫人相信。那你又信不信？***


只有我懂我自己想要什么。也许就是想常见你从心里散发而出的那道笑容。简单的说，就是真正快乐。